The rabbit hole i fell into led me to some big places in small crevices.The idea of a whole person with dreams and aspirations must have something or someone to believe in,this could be a code to live by or theories that explain loosely how we came to be and our purpose on this rock.

The more learned members of our civilizations inform us about the “BIG LIE,”the elusive unconfirmed truth,who is really in control.

He wakes up everyday already wired for monotony,the fire that drove him to reach out slowly dying in smoldering pieces of self doubt and a dull ache in his throat.He looks through his window,out to the world he is about to slip by and evade till past noon or four.The videos he watches about solitude and getting on with fellow man insist that he should first look in the mirror and smile.See the wonder in his own eyes,believe again.

The only information to rest his weary unresponsive brain is that there is no upside,there is only the one way through the muck and shit that is everyday anecdotes of life and happiness induced by opiates.

“happiness is nothing”This new age being mumbles to himself,gritting his teeth as he walks past a family of five walking briskly in the morning cold.

He watches them in disgust,not to be confused with envy…no,he hates them because he is them,he is living under the same rules and beliefs.society deemed them all to be who they are,but for who?Did they get the lack of ambition package for self reliance and self worth?,is their happiness bound to procreation and the hum drum of daily survival as sheep?

“Fuking humans”he thinks about spitting,he hates spitting.

The main reason for his existence is a mystery to him,he is riding the wave that is life with a proverbial rope tightening around his throat,the stool by his feet creaking under the weight of his unrelenting indifference to existence.

The smile he wore that day was fresh off its wrapper,in mint condition,he got a glance from a young mother and her young daughter,maybe a grin from a young lady who seemed to have squeezed into her tube dress with a gallon of lubricant.His dick taunts him to turn his head,they argue with his reason for a minute before his dark passenger interrupts with another icy grip on his persona.

“what are we doing here stupid”the cool rumble of that voice makes him sick to his stomach,so collected,so at home in his once free mind.

Putting his head down the passenger goes ahead to replay the information he gathered in relation to how meaningless existence is,

“God is dead,you know it,i know it,they all know it.Look at all these sheep,prodding along in lines of misery as they waste their incoherent lives doing nothing for the purpose of nothing…ALL THEY DO IS FUCK!!,they procreate like rats because their god told them to,they believe that bullshit.They waste their lives following rules that make them dumber and more submissive to tyranny and rule,they bend even further to get fucked…they like it…”.The voice rings in his ears as he tries to remember any tune about sunshine and rainbows.

“Go ahead asshole,think happy thoughts…bury your head into the quicksand you made,to sink and numb the pain. Don’t forget though,i will still be here when you surface again for another glimpse at what could be.’His voice dies out.

Time after time the truth is revealed,moments in time when everything is perfect,when he is present in that one moment,trying to savor this gift,he clings to those moments of heaven for the gloomy days when there is no control.He lives for those moments.