I rose to challenge hakim,

for all the gold and rings.

I rose for purity and kings,

to prove human like me

“The long lake is sacred!”

i shouted to him,

“To bathe in it is madness”,

slowly walking to him.

He didn’t quiver or reel,

he gave a smirk and a chin.

“You know i live and breath,

i’m me for they adore me.”

He spat on my face,

he glared and laughed at me,

at my disgrace.

I didn’t leave,i stood still.

“I know you own it all,

i know you are the king:,

i know you took the flower,

the butterfly and the queen.”

I walked up to him,

I looked straight at him,

“I don’t envy your crown,

i loath your being me!.”



I put my hand on my chest,

i dreamed of wonderland and gentle hearts,

i saw what i felt,i felt it before and again,

the hardened slap of her.

I won’t lie,i felt a flush,in hell at once.

I hate and hated what i had,

what i was and would be.

Now i’m nine and twenty,whats good use for me?.

Whats good use for me if i can’t see,

If i don’t know my place in the sea,

if i’ll scream in my head and wail for peace,

whats the use,whats the use if i believe?.

If i believe in you and me?,

i don’t know,i really dont,

i don’t have a clue,no words to ease this wounds.

Now i will be what i have to be.

No!, i have to see,

my destiny conjured and plated for me,

fate my doubtful and careless king,

leading me,beating me…hating me.



Joy hearty sweet,for vain no shame,

Gay,young,plain what a day!.

Embrace with song,

Play yours,mine and all for gain.

Cool and clear,cool and clear,

Unrestrained and unclear,

Forget today,tomorrow not to fear,

rumors,whispers,mocking so clear.

I gave it five seconds,

Have your way for only five.

The pain,the tears,the graves.

Abandon ,disaster to jeer.

Black and bare,black and bare,

A new day found,

No tears,no pain no shame

Time was up for me and them.



Tis just what i fate,

What is my blood inheritance,the death and rot tis for me.

The pain the more i live,

Tis for me,the fate for me.

I love the green and free,

The life of a morning breeze.

How true,too true a smile for this

But the fate for me,

Is there,so real and true.

The pain to eat away my conscience

And plant the seed.

The seed will grow,from bed to field,

Nasty prickly vines engulfing,

Tightening and hardening.

My heart will stop,

My pen will drop,

My eyes won’t close,

For the green is gone,the breeze is dead,

What was for me is for me.



Life is enough to drown any man,

Any man weening himself of his youth,

You grit your teeth and smile,

Smile for you and for a day you can rest from.

Going delirious in small rooms,

Expecting a day you can hold your head up high,

And follow the humdrum,the quiet march to expiration.

You toss and turn in your own sweat,

Dreading the next turn of the earth and moon,

That final feeling before you wear that mask,

The only true face you can trust

Every day you hear that sound,

That hark to rise and shine as you squirm in your own filth.

Before you scrounge around trying to find your true face,

You catch a glimpse of the darkness within.

‘Without the mask who are you?’

whispers the voice in the abyss,

In the broken mirror where bloody knuckles live,

That final thought comes again to you like cascading waves.

”Kill yourself you piece of shit,

End your miserable grunts and waste of skin”

The darkness envelops you as you wash a hated face you don’t recognize,

”Think about it,search your depths for meaning.”

I find my mask,my face,

I try to fix it,

The corners break off as i will my dark passenger to the back of my mind.

The alarm rings again,forty five minutes are gone,the bus waits for nobody.



The white soft pellets falling gracefully,

Warm air eloping with the breeze.

Every hole shut in,mountains capped white.

Its another winter,holidays at last.

Even though a realist or blood spartan,

Or maybe lifeless from unrest,

There is always that season of light ,

When nature demands with certain fright.

Always a change of clothes,wigs and furry coats,

A change of scenery for mood and heart.

The weak move to the coast,warmer and a bit closed,

Dreamers stay in with the old tenderly starting to freeze.

Tables are turned and principles flushed,

The heart speaks out,the mind devoured.

Being as strong as the snow blizzard before the morn,

For thee and for her,to be or not to be.

I have lived to see quite a few,

Some heavy,some quite flamboyant and true.

I cant say the love bug has bitten me,

Not that i’d mind ,i wouldn’t mind the prick,

It’s the love,the life and the winter of the ravine,

Or just the heart,pierced within,

Killing sweetly,so sweetly i can taste it.

Tis fate to conceive to destiny.



If it will be so

Then it has to be told.

Shout it from the mountain tops,

whisper it in the streets.

If he has to live,

Give him peace,a place serene.

Dont retreat,dont please.

If it is,he has to die at ease.

He wont fight,he wont cry,

He’ll be still,still as can be,

No whining or gritting of the teeth.

He’ll be solemn and meek.

He will help with a nod,

Accept with a smile.

He wont laugh or maybe lie,

He has to hide and show this side.

People will like him,hate him or try,

People will ask questions and pry.

They wont mind,they wont hide,

He’ll be there…just there.



Near a shady wall,

A white and red rose once grew,

Budded and blossomed,

In gods free light.

As they grew and blossomed,fair and tall,

Slowly rising to loftier height.

They came to a crevice on the wall,

Through which shone a beam of light.

Onward they crept with added strength,

With never a thought of fear or pride,

They followed the light through the crevice length,

And unfolded themselves on the other side.

Shall dawn of death cause i to grieve

And make my courage faint and fall?,

Nay.Let my faith and hope receive,

The roses still grow beyond the wall.

scattering fragrance far and wide,

Just as they did in the days of yore,

Just as they will forevermore.



Some are dark and inquisitive,

Others light and beaming,

Usually gullible and happy,

A gift of youth,how so happy.

Ask me of treachery and deceit,

of laden hearts and long faces,

But dont ask me how the happy fair,

or love,lassies and garlards.

I wont trust you for i can’t,

I dont love because i wont,

Its that! for shame and blame,

for me that maiden to spare,

The pain and agony in my stare.

For this i wont dare.

I will speak to her hair,

flatter her back and shoulders,

To have and certainly not to hold.

I will pace up my follow,

My wobbly and careless swagger,

to my wife for good morrow,

In sickness and in health.

Her hair so alive in the light,

Her walk timid but graceful,

Her fragrance so tasteful.

Her face dull and formal.



Someone told him that day,

“Just let free… open up dear child,”

So simple those words,so hard to repeat

In the past and present fore,

In good luck and nasty norm,

All the vile,crude and nasty forms,

Bring tears down a rusty wall.

He imagines his life of yore,

His life now in unfriendly falls,

He thought of his heart,

He thought of his wayward tears and locked.

“Try,talk and wail dear child,

Blame god and blame me,

Show how much pain you feel,

Cry dear child,cry and let it be…”

He choked again,

Cupped his hands and hid his face,

He felt sick,he felt weak.

He closed his eyes tight and prayed for tears.

Then came the voice,stronger with pain,

”├Łou,you are not to cry!!

nor to whine in the night,

Its not for you,nor is it a right of mine,

But you have to try,fall and look at the skies,

cry for me dear child.”