I smile walking through the fog, This wet blanket of sorts. Hiding my tremble, As the stinging cold isolates my senses. It's all the same to me, There is no reprieve from walking this plank. I see nothing past my frozen nose tip, My legs walking me into the abyss, A blind man with nowhere to be.The weather man said I created this darkness, With all my wanton dispair,giving this weather purpose. She hears my call,she knows I will this. Clear skies will never see the harbor for this ship. Wrapping my wiery bones with the fear I weave, I stumble on with the mist that decided for me. With lips cracked and mouth parched, I smile again as my soul empties,everything is fine. Kyalo.
In my escape from you I find the rythm and the beat. music is slow here, But the booze is strong. As my ears reverbate to it, I swim in nostalgia,sweating and breathing. Memories of stolen time, Of Muddled dreams stained with tears. The music gets louder, Sweet Melodious pain, Lost in that moment I creat my own universe. She can't find me now. She smiles in there, In the memories of a time gone, Of great opportunities swallowed up by the black hole of youth. The four minutes spent in the time machine end, It's your turn,pick a song. Kyalo
The light from the florescent tube flickers on as he tries to clean the caked blood from his temple. The whiskey numbs the pain as he tries to focus the blurred figure in the dirty mirror staring back at him. The dirt and filth blends perfectly with his perfect disaster. ''Get the fuck away from me!'',the voice echoes in his mind as he removes his blood soaked shirt, throwing it into the discolored water swimming in the sink with his will to live. The light goes off with a screeching mechanical fault leaving him in darkness. He knows something is broken, even as he yells to himself and laughs hysterically in the darkness, The lone source of light bursts back to life again, blood streaming from his head and onto his bony frame. The music from outside drowns out his screams as he smears the blood across his face, he laughs hysterically,again looking at the face in the mirror. He knows there is nothing of him there, the him he knew was gone,just as the flickering light,he switched in and out of himself. The whiskey in his veins keeps him warm, at least warm enough to not care about where he is. There is no awareness now, No reason to be accountable for putting all the pieces together. Something cold, Something damp and worthless craters his soul. He sees nothing but what he lost in a mad dash to find himself, The body that hid the turmoil now wasting away like discarded moving parts. Its dark again,he feels the void encompassing his being, The dirty room becoming his paradise as night and day come and go with a flicker. He screams in his heaven as his soul claimers for pain, for anything,for a chance to reach out and put him together again. Kyalo.
I hit the wall with my clenched fist, Blood spurting from my butchered knuckles, The wall stares back,cold and unrelenting, Taking the abuse,animated violent hate emanating from human fragility and emotional incontinence. The sting of pain and the smell of fresh blood, Labored breath forced through gritted teeth. The wall stares back at the self destructing union of cells and rage. Staring at my immortal foe,i bang my head quelling voices of beings i will never see. It feels good, The pain, The ringing in my ears. The trembling of my legs and thumping of my beating heart. The night comes into focus, Every bleating cricket looking for grub and Mosquitoes wailing in a feeding frenzy around my hands, Mother Gaia herself whispers life and death to all her children. She calls to me, In her own way She delights in my resolve to join her As her beckoning caller the moon fills the sky with reckless abandon. I stand there basking in his borrowed light Leaning to one side as he chases his own will to be seen Oblivious to his inevitable demise,he takes what he can brightening dead craters and valleys of dead soil. The moment passes,he has bigger fish to fry as the sun leads him on. Crawling through the darkness,i reach the wall again, Hands mangled,i make feeble fists believing myself to still have a chance, A chance to get through,to see whats on the other side of me. Kyalo.
I stand there in scary newness, the air in my lungs spiriting away as i take it all in, my heart beats,it skips a bit. I am lost. Warm hearts and kind faces, they find me in these places, as i pretend to know and understand, they see right through my abhorring facade. Their hands are warm still even as i cower back defensively, a wounded lost animal bearing its teeth. They beckon to me hiding bleeding limbs as i lash out. Day out,day in, they sit with me and offer treats, always watching,looking past my glaring murderous visage, they come closer still. Commanding the darkness to depart with their carefree laughter, they come in. Boundless happiness invading completely I reach out to it, its okay,they see me. kyalo.
Someone told him that day,
“Just let free… open up dear child,”
So simple those words,so hard to repeat
In the past and present fore,
In good luck and nasty norm,
All the vile,crude and nasty forms,
Bring tears down a rusty wall.
He imagines his life of yore,
His life now in unfriendly falls,
He thought of his heart,
He thought of his wayward tears and locked.
“Try,talk and wail dear child,
Blame god and blame me,
Show how much pain you feel,
Cry dear child,cry and let it be…”
He choked again,
Cupped his hands and hid his face,
He felt sick,he felt weak.
He closed his eyes tight and prayed for tears.
Then came the voice,stronger with pain,
”Ýou,you are not to cry!!
nor to whine in the night,
Its not for you,nor is it a right of mine,
But you have to try,fall and look at the skies,
cry for me dear child.”
They always said we were made for someone,the blues and the poems from back when people died from the cough.Humans have always believed in this existential calling for the celestial upgrade,we are all more than what we appear in the mirror because of our stories and mired understanding of who we are.
The story begins like all good love stories do,with a chance meeting where liquids are spilled and heads are butted in chance meetings followed by awkward glances and inhibited smiles.Your chemical set up flares as endorphins explode in your head sending magic down your body and into your pants.This magical reaction changes your entire outlook on life,colors become brighter and clearer,birds sing louder and everything becomes one huge high.
The rest of that story is already forgotten history,the residual effects still lingering in the air like a sailors fart.we love fiercely when we don’t think of these people as flawed humans,picking after them and celebrating all their quirks without any criticism.We become addicted to them as it should be when we are smitten,losing ourselves in this wonderland we never can put into words.
Growing up with this fantasy that is love,young minds cultivated in a world of watered down sitcoms and love stories expect the same easy going,happy go lucky thirty minutes love story.Such high expectations conjured up from our child hood about what the world should be catapult our desires and expectations for the future into the realms of fiction.The work they do to make these Hollywood movies should be reciprocated in real life for any real relationship to work and thrive.All the perfect moments prepared and thought through with care and devotion.
My generation is that of damaged emotional dwarfs,scurrying about with masks on selling fictitious facades to other faceless hornier social media junkies,claiming to be looking for the real thing.We do not have the fortitude to remain promised to one another because we are worth more now,more than our parents and their parents before them.We are in love with ourselves and our flaws.We are more superficial now, the sexual revolution was a necessity for our civilization to flourish but the human condition had other plans.
This new age self love mantra has warped our minds,The rules for courtship blurred by fear.We equate our worth now to the material things we are able to amass in a short span of time.We work smart,working hard doesn’t suit our liberal sensibilities accentuated by a false sense of “wokeness” that has most of us hiding our true selves just to fit into this new life fad.In our pursuit for perfection we overstate our capabilities and attributes,we lie to ourselves and all the other avatars who log on to also share in their manufactured lies.The stories we tell about ourselves are the only proof that we exist in this society,the wants and needs that take center stage in these online communities spill into our day to day lives blurring the line between what is real about us and what isn’t. We plunge ourselves into physical relationships without learning each others intentions and hearts,this union always affects us differently of course,some people will open their hearts quickly after intimacy,confusing sex for a declaration of undying devotion,while others walk it off like a conversation with a long lost acquaintance.
The confusion comes to bare when after bodies have been shared before minds,the difference in personalities and preference boil to the top causing strife,as the one who loved more feels used and discarded.A falling out born of hate and pain ensues,taking over our weak mental fortitude as pride kicks in to mask the shame.Ownership,that solid bargain created when one lover spends their hard earned money as the only declaration of love they know how to profess.There is no realization of self because we are empty shells trying to fill that void with wanton rendezvous meets that only feed the flesh.Honesty has become a show of weakness as we have avatars to protect and strangers to impress.
There lies a silver lining at the end of this sitcom though,we can choose to be ourselves and appreciate our backgrounds.If we learn to wear our scars with pride,we can find that hidden path that leads to our purpose in life.Learning to get back up especially when the worlds seems to conspire against you is the hardest test for any person out there.We choose the wrong direction sometimes,we act out of fear and pain but we must remember to never stop getting back up.Moving on is the only way we grow into our true selves.
He sat there,his belly folded into itself as he tried to focus on a brave cockroach trekking across his wall.Warm air mixed with cheap whiskey fumes escaping his lungs playing on his pubey mustache lulling him into a uneasy nap.Waking up from oblivion as mosquitoes made a meal of him the back of his neck send sharp pain to his brain forcing him to stir,it was still dark outside,the roach nowhere to be seen.He got up from the rugged carpet bones crackling and joints wailing from the impossible position they were in.stretching and tucking his exposed dick back into his checked boxers he rubbed his eyes focusing on the bright light emanating from his phone screen.
The wind blew through translucent drapes,the light green fabric making a colorful homey feel that screamed femininity.He opened one after pouring himself another drink.The lukewarm liquid burning all the way down.Pain always as before, a welcome distraction from mundane urges and pointless thoughts that always ran around in his head.There was a noise outside,the flat he lived in was occupied by young adults working odd hours so it was not strange to hear people walking about after midnight.His immediate neighbor,a clean freak man of the people type spoke to everyone and anyone who he considered to be part of his community,he ate with the people outside our building as kids flocked around him asking for the treats they were used to getting.You could hear them every day chirping and singing his praise. Kamudo was at the furthest end of the flat,the baby maker and hoarder extraordinaire,this guy could freeze dry his shit and store it with the rest of his important trash if he could.He tried to open the door but the footsteps got closer and louder so he let go of the latch and listened.
“I bet this adventure roach came with you,”he mumbled to himself.
“maybe it was Kamudo’s baby making wife who was always pregnant,annoyed by every whiff of fresh air”.He smirked.
The balcony outside his window was lit by flickering florescent light so he could make out the figure hanging clothes to dry.A new neighbor,not the timid girl with the small frame who locked herself in at all times.This was a full woman,she bend over her basin after working the lines with her wet hand to clear any dust.He moved to the edge of his window to get a better look at the humming stranger doing laundry in the middle of the night.He was met by her big ass as she worked the wet clothes,the effort making her ass wiggle in the thin leso. His dick stirred trying to escape the confines of his boxers.
” She definitely is not Kamudo’s breeder,”he whispered to himself moistening his lips.He peeked again,bolder this time,both eyes on the strangers every move as she started hanging her laundry from the furthest line. The multi-colored thin leso was blowing in the wind exposing dark beautiful thighs running up to the fullness of her buttocks,his eyes widened in-tandem with the bulge in his shorts,unknowingly he opened the curtains a bit more for a better view as she turned back to her basin.
“sexy bitch,”he whispered under his breath biting his lower lip.
He thought about having her for one night,just the one.He didn’t want to love and cherish her or think of her as a person at all.She was a piece of ass to be admired and taken like a enemy ship at war.Just then the small screen on his phone lit up again vibrating angrily on his dirty table.
“Hi,it’s me.”The message was short and precise.
“Are you home?,i fought with my guy again,he kicked me out,”he read pouring another drink.
“Are you there?”The sex goddess outside moved to the second line as he thought about replying.
“I know you are there you asshole,its your dick pic that got me in this mess,”the message was in all caps,he smiled to himself.
Nyachi was always a flirt,she loved having her cake and pretending to wanna fuck it too.He remembered their late night texts that started from sharing books to sending suggestive sarcastic memes back and forth until the topic turned to her pre-mature ejaculating loving husband to be,she was a bitch and she knew it,the poor bastard was sleeping right next to her when she was hanging him to dry.
“I have a guest,”he typed fast darting a glance at the unsuspecting stranger.
“Are you serious?”she replied.He thought about switching his phone off.
“Yeah,she is sleeping on my chest,”Leso lady wiped her wet hands on the light fabric exposing her ass and all its splendor.He rubbed his dick,his demented mind joining both women who were not his into a unrequited imaginary three way fighting for his medium size cock in his dirty dark squalor.
“I am nearly there,i can’t go back,”the phone cried again and again,messages coming fast and erratic.
“For fuck sake Nyachi,go to your girlfriend’s,you think coming here is gonna help your love life,?”He sent the message and switched off his data.He had more pressing matters to attend to.
The goddess was nearly done and in a way so was he, in the darkness, peaking through his window holding himself in his hand.Before he could do the deed in his head and release all that pent up pressure another figure joined “his” woman in the darkness.A tall dark figure,he was too engrossed in his debauchery to hear any foot steps.The member died in his grip when the figure came into focus hugging the ebony queen from behind.She melted in his muscular shoulders as he brought her to himself before kissing her inviting lips.She smiled,ivory white teeth shining under the dim artificial light.
The two strangers worked together in the way two long time lovers do,she pressed her ass to him as he slowly grind into her whispering sweet nothings,making her giggle,stifled moans left her mouth as he cupped her left breast in his hand,she turned to face him,his beaming face in her hands.
“Fuck me,they are gonna fuck right here,”He thought to himself still holding his limp oiled cock.
The man outside his window was everything a man should dream of being,even though he couldn’t see the guys hardon or his face clearly he sure felt the testosterone emanating from the scene.He claimed his woman with passion and a eagerness he had never known in all his years of pleasing women.He kissed her lips one after the other,small delicate movements lost in the shadows of the night,her back arched fitting into his tallness.He whispered some more grabbing her ass like he paid for it in blood,she giggled again.
Head lights from a passing car attacked the darkness inside the house exposing the peeping tipsy tom for a fraction of a second,the peeper ducked quickly falling to the floor,his exposed sex following him flapping sadly from his right thigh to the left.
“Nimeona uso hapa ndani babe,”the goddess whispered louder to her mate.
“serious?,”her man’s deep voice matched her tone.
” Malizia twende basi,i think umeona reflection hun,”they both finished with the laundry before all three of them heard sharp raspy shoes stabbing the concrete from afar followed quickly by the loud shrill of his phone,the peeper grabbed it quickly muting the sound in his palm and cancelling the call.
“Nyachi you ass!!,”he muttered to himself as the pair outside his window picked up their basin quickly.
“I’m here,”his phone retorted again. Nyachi walked by the love birds in the hall way as she made her way to the balcony and straight to his window trying to peak in.
“Open the door Muli,”she send another message before peeking through the window trying to make out any movement.
Muli pulled his sweat pants on,pissed off that he didn’t get to cum plus the shame of it all.He felt empty and dirty moving to the door knowing full well that Nyachi was toxic for him.He did not love her or even like her.She was just another distraction he tried to feed his weak ego.conquest and empty dialogue.She was a female version of him,he didn’t like that. Nyachi moved from the window.
“I know you’re in there you dick!,”his phone beeped again in his hand.
Muli moved back to his hiding spot peeking out at the small figure wearing blue jeans and a spaghetti top,squinting he confirmed that she was not wearing any bra as she hugged herself trembling in the biting cold.She looked lost and afraid,her neediness and daddy issues were well documented in their long conversations.He had opened up about his depravity and twisted mind expecting her to shut him off but she didn’t,even when he had told her about his fear of women,real women who knew what they wanted;women who haunted men’s souls with their blunt honesty and clarity of vision.She had taken him into her circle oiled dick and all.She was the only real friend he had,he could be himself with her,maybe even grow.
“I just need a place to crash Muli,”he read the new message before another came in.
“i know you don’t have anyone in there,its okay if you hate me or don’t trust me but i need you right now,i need my midnight friend.”Muli put his phone away,at that moment all he wanted was to hold her and never let go,he wanted her warm and in his arms because he cared about her.As much as he longed for the ebony goddess with legs all the way to heaven he knew she was not for him.He did not want a few minutes of mindless pleasure hiding in the dark like a weirdo,there was no life in that.He craved the fire and light he had seen the two strangers share together outside his sad apartment.
“You gonna have to sit this one out dick,”he said looking down at his sex before grabbing his jacket and heading for the door.
“You have to talk to me!!,”
“I have to head home,i have said everything i came to say,”
“No!!!!”i grab her hand and turn her to face me.
“We were doomed from the beginning,we knew…,”
“No!!!,i don’t accept that!!!”i bring her closer,her eyes searching mine for a better way,a easier way.Rain water falls on her perfect face mixing with tears i will never see.
“We can…we have to find a way…,”
“There is no other way.Please don’t make this harder than it already is…please.”she slowly frees her hand from my grip,rain is falling hard now but she does not protect her long hair.
“Here,”i give her my jacket,she looks at me reluctantly,
“Yours to keep.” I watch her wear it as she looks at me,something in her eyes startles me,a urgency i have never seen before.It’s not hate, more like a sad pitiful glimmer piercing through me.My heart sinks as i contemplate the fact that she does not feel as i do at that specific moment in our lives.
“This is the end we talked about.You made me promise,i have to go before i change my mind,”she turns and starts walking away.
“It’s that easy for you to leave huh…”I yell at her,my voice breaking as a lump forms in my throat.
“You speak of love!!!,you claim to love me yet…yet here you are walking away like it’s nothing!!!!,a fucking fling!!!”the lump in my throat moves to my chest forcing me to cough, a dry desperately empty yelp.
She stops in her tracks a few paces in front of me.
“Tell me you were using me,tell me it was nothing,i am nothing to you but a stage,a fuking checked box…TELL ME!!!”She rushes back into my arms kissing me fiercely,i taste her tears as our lips lock,i taste her pain and love,i taste the only freedom i have ever known before she breaks off to look at me.
“Don’t you fuking dare!!”
“You have to say it….”
” I can’t.”
“Then don’t leave me,we can find a way…”she leans in for another kiss,the farewell i will never accept.
“We knew what we were getting into from the beginning my love,you promised me,”
“Do you love me?”
“You know i do,but love is not enough right now…,”
“You don’t love me enough to stay huh…,”
“Don’t do that,Make me the bad guy here…”she steps away again her wet white dress clinging to her.
“I never thought i would loose myself like this,you were meant to pass through,we had a plan,what the fuck have i done!.What is this feeling,?this empty dark void consuming me from the inside.?”
“It’s love,we flew too close to the sun hun.”
“stop calling me that,”
“Then stay,don’t leave.”
“I have to leave,we both know i have to.We have to stick to the plan and you know it!”she yells through the rain as she turns to walk away holding tightly to her brown jacket.The only thing of mine that will ever feel her warmth again.
I try to say something as her figure gets engulfed in the rain and morbid darkness,the words that were formed and thought out a day before are nowhere to be found.I grit my teeth and look back into the free way as a vehicle blasts the whole road with strong beams of light chasing away the shadows.I see her one last time,a small figure in the distance,my heart jumps at the thought of running after her.
“Always the light,”i whisper to myself.She is the light at the end of every tunnel i ever escaped through.
I remember the beginning as i stand there oblivious of the heavy downpour around me.The small droplets turned into painful bullets of reality hitting me all together at the speed of light.I concentrate on the pricks and the biting cold.I feel nothing else,not love nor hate.She is gone,the one person i thought i could not live without,the love i would go to the ends of the world for is gone and i feel nothing.Walking seems like the only thing i can do as the rain subsides slowly to a murmur of precipitation.Did i really just let the love of my life get away,?the thought seems pointless in my world of self doubt and negativity.Deep down i know i never deserved her.Our love was born of prickly fruit at too high a cost.I am soaked,trembling in the wind.My cocoon of unbridled euphoria and massive surges of dopiness dissipating with every step i take away from a future i will never see.I leave her orbit like a wayward comet,burning with the fumes born of star crossed lovers,only in the beginning.
I did not love her, i did not even know the meaning of the word.The cosmos and all the gods that have ever existed must have had to pull a lot of strings to bring my wayward soul into her orbit.She did not fall victim to my crude humor or quick wit,she did not even notice me at all.
We will call her Jupiter,she was and still is the most radiant human being i have ever had the pleasure of knowing.At first,i was content with sharing the same space and breathing the same air she did,always stealing glances from across rooms and spaces shared hoping that she did not feel my eyes tracing that perfect arch of her lower back.Mundane normal movements were slowed down and appreciated in my head,her laughter,that beautiful sound she made filled my soul with joy,Elation i kept to myself waiting for later to reminisce and replaY the entire day i had spent marveling at the wonder that was her,my Jupiter.
This uncontrollable attraction being one sided burned my insides.All that time i stole for just the two of us,the perfectly scheduled “accidentally” shared bus rides to wherever she was going always trying to fix my day to day mundane activities around her orbit didn’t matter if i was a few buildings away or feeling her warm skin rub against mine as we shared tightly fixed metallic chairs in loud swerving matatus. It was on one of those rides that i took her hand in mine as the vibrant multi colored art on wheels swerved into the highway without a care in the world.People complained as one woman in the front seat invoked her preferred deity.I did not even hear the music get louder trying to drown the discontent shown by the passengers,i was feeling her fingers interlocking with mine as i tried to brush off the impact that simple gesture had on my entire anatomy.My palm was getting clammy as time passed and our hands were still connected,i was avoiding eye contact,my mind was blank,my throat slowly drying up like a seasonal Kamba river,
“You can let go now,we have survived the worse of it,”she slowly freed her hand from my sweaty vice like paw with a smile on her face.
“sorry about the river of sweat hehehe,i was scared shitless,”i hid my face as blood rushed to my head.
“eeer,wanna get some coffee before you head home?”
“I can’t,”she looked disappointed,i liked that.
“well,this is my stop,i will see you tomorrow with dryer hands.”
“Will we be holding hands again,?that coy playful smile always jumbled up my thoughts.
“eeer no,that was lame…hehehe,kesho.”i had to eject before i crashed and burned.
Day two with Jupiter found me ready,i had prepared my lines and thought of every scenario,she would say this and i would say that,perfect conversation culminating to that perfect smile made everything in my life okay.I hated that i had to hide my true self though,she would not like the me i was looking at in the mirror;the angry and tortured me;the dead inside screaming for help me,no,even i would not like me.
“Get out of there,”she looks deep in my soul.
“Look at me,right here right now.We,at this moment should be everything.”
“It’s hard for me to say this because it’s you,”
“Well,i wanna say i feel the same way but i don’t.All you had to do was come talk to me.”
“i was chicken shit,still am actually hehehe.”
“what did you wanna tell me”
“I wanted to say that i have wanted to kiss you for the longest time.”
“A kiss,?”that’s all.?
“Yeah,”she looks at me quizzically.She moves closer still holding my gaze.
“A kiss is not enough for me,you have to think bigger and bolder.”Her warm breath dances around my nostrils as she kisses the tip of my nose and holds my gaze.
“Find out what you really want,don’t just guess.I wanna know how far you are willing to go.”She moves away slowly with that innocent intelligent smile curving her perfect lips ever so slightly.
“I love you.”The words leave my lips before they are checked and processed.
she laughs out loud nearly knocking her cup of coffee off the table in our rendezvous point.I laugh with her oblivious to all the people around us as the world spins on,leaving us in our small bubble of infinite possibilities.
She wakes up drowsy,her head throbs sending sharp pain to her unfocused eyes.She tries to move her hands,the left arm answers her command,she uses it to clear her eyes,the pain behind her eye sockets intensifies but she forces them open again.She tugs on her right arm,nothing,she looks up and vaguely makes out black leather fastened tightly on the queen size bed’s head board,her arm fastened to the other end of the shiny designer belt.Everything comes rushing back to her when she makes out the man standing by the mirror fastening his tie,she stops struggling.
“Proud brats are always the easiest to break,”he speaks,a effortless inaudible sentence as he moves towards her.
“My love,you already belong to me”he moves his hand over her balled up body barely touching her.
“everything you are now is because i deemed it so,the more you try to fight me the more you will loose.”He whispers to her as he traces his hand over her exposed thigh slowly lifting the blood stained silk bed sheet that barely covers the rest of her body.
“Look at what you made me do angel,”her exposed young frame is firm and full,her skin flawless except for the dark marks cause by bruising around her inner left thigh and ribs.
Angel never moves,she keeps her gaze on the wall,Kazungu her betrothed moves closer to her then crouches to her eye level by the side of the bed and stares at her expressionless face with a smirk on his face.
“You were worth the wait that’s for sure,” he grabs her buttocks and digs his nails into her soft skin leaving nail marks.
“You are mine now,”
“my property to do with as i please,”
“Every time you have any thought of defying me,or…or seeing that doctor friend of yours i want you to remember last night,remember that i can always reach out and take you” Kazungu runs his hand through her hair before grabbing a fistful of the black tangled mess of hair lifting her to her knees on the bed,she grits her teeth as the strain on her taught hair burns her scalp. He stands over her with lustful eyes as the bulge on the front of his black jeans gets bigger.
Angel looks at him,her one tied hand stretched out.He lets go of her hair, she falls back on the bed like a lifeless doll, all worn out and used.
“You are not to leave this room,if you want anything just call the kitchen or the maid.”Kazungu walks back to the mirror leaving a naked angel motionless on the bed.
She stares at the high ceiling perfectly crafted with the mahogany bed posts that rise from all four corners of the bed as kazungu leaves the master bedroom whistling to himself.A maid meets him outside the door as he leaves,
“she is not to leave this room”
“Yes sir”the maid bows low as kazungu closes the door behind him.More instructions are given, inaudible murmuring to angel as she turns to the side pulling the bloodied sheets to cover her nakedness.
Tears flow freely soaking the soft feather stuffed pillows cradling her shapely head and soaking up the semi-dried blood from her busted lower lip.She tries to remember a time she was free,a time she felt happy and loved.A picture of her home comes to mind,her two sisters fussing around the table as her father sits on one of the worn out dining chairs he made himself.She remembers her mothers singing,how her smile warmed the room always urging her husband to eat some more food before he left for his long distance driving job.He was always gone for weeks at a time so she always made a feast for every departure.Her fathers amazement when she explains the stories he read on the daily newspapers he always collected,
“How do you understand these things?!you are but a child!!”He always said beaming with pride before leaning in close to whisper.
“You are my favorite,”He always winked at her and pinched her cheek.
She was the boy he had always wanted so she had decided every day he was away to read and work hard in school.She was besting even the boys at subjects like mathematics and the sciences.Her academic achievements proved to be a gift and a curse when she was accepted into a very expensive school for higher learning.She remembered her sisters fighting for space in front of the mirror they had in their room as they got ready for their dates.
“You have hogged the mirror long enough wenika!!” their eldest sister protested.
“Mirrors don’t work miracles big sister,that forehead will not be reduced by your reflection!!” a fight would always ensue after that and angel would be forced to do her reading outside.She never understood why they cared so much what boys thought about their looks or the shape of their eye brows.She never had time for boys,her sisters were all waiting to be married off but not her,she wanted more than just a man.
Her academic achievements had drawn attention from all kinds of people,but out of all the well wishers only one man was really interested in helping her financially.Mr kangu, a well known business man,well not really all that known because rumors were that he used dark magic and witchcraft to amass his wealth.He was a plain looking man without any memorable features,his demeanor was that of a simple man with simple tastes,his eyes on the other hand were piercing and formidable,there was a darkness in them that run deep.Angel met him when her father was invited to his home in the mountains.She accompanied him wearing the only fancy dress she had.she did not like the pink lace or the u cut on the chest.she was becoming a woman and no amount of fabric could cover that up.
“You have a chance to be anything you want my favorite daughter”Angel’s father pinched her cheek like he always did,there were more wrinkles on his face as he smiled,his health had started deteriorating since the accident.
“I will not let you down father”
“Don’t forget angel,hard work always pays”
That was the last real conversation she ever had with her father,after their journey to Mr Kangu’s mansion she did not go back home with her father.Mr. kangu had already arranged for her to go to campus,she left the two men to talk alone as she was shown around the huge house by Mr Kangu’s son.
“I saw you on tv the other day,congrats on the exam,”he was timid and shy.
“Thanks,i have never seen a house this big before”angel marveled at the extravagance and beauty of the place.
“it’s one of the few,”
“one of the few?”she was puzzled as he walked ahead of her his head held high with pride and entitlement.
“Yeah,we have many houses,one day,all this…”he is interrupted by a servant who walks in.
“Your father sir”
“lets go,father does not like to be kept waiting”The boy showed fear in his eyes as he took angel by the arm and hurried her back to his father’s office.
She remembered her fathers face more than anything when he took her to another room to explain why he had to leave her with strangers.
“Your sisters will need you to take care of them my angel,you must finish school and get a good job”
“I don’t understand why i cant do that from home”She bit hard on her lip as she remembered her fathers dismay.He could not look her in her eyes for the first time.
A rattle on the door jolts her back to reality,the maid walks in carrying towels and fresh sheets.She gasps at the sight of her mistress on the bed motionless covered with blood soaked sheets and tears.
“Lets get you cleaned up madam”Angel does not even budge as the maid sits on the bed next to her employers wife to be.
“My dear girl,i have seen you everyday ever since you were brought here by your father,you were a happy smart and tough young woman and the master took a liking to you,we all did.This situation that you have been forced to endure should either make you or break you my child.This boy will always be cruel and vindictive,he is like this because he fears who you can be,he fears that he will never be man enough to step in his ailing fathers shoes.You must know this,you have to see the opportunity in this misery my child.”The older woman pulls the covers off angel and turns a still sobbing angel to face her.
“I know you would rather be anywhere else my daughter,away from this small man and his evil,away from the toxic rich people trying to get rid of you.I would rather be in my strong husbands arms right now but he is dead and i have my children to feed.Now listen here sweet child,you get your ass out of this bed,go wash that blood off your face and prepare yourself for the party.This is your house,now show them what you are made of.